Hello, lovelies!
It's been a minute... well, nearly three months! To be completely honest, I haven't been able to find the words to write and I have felt a little lost in life. Maybe I still feel lost, and maybe I still don’t have the words to communicate how I’ve been feeling, but I’m pushing through the mental blocks I’ve been having about writing in hopes that even one person reads this and feels understood, heard, and a little less alone.
This year has been a whirlwind. A person’s senior year of college is always a whirlwind, with graduation and all that comes along with that, but this year has shaken out to be something none of us predicted. “Graduation,” job hunting, and transitioning into adult life during a global pandemic and (what feels like) a political war across the nation has indubitably created a different kind of whirlwind for the class of 2020 graduates that was impossible for any of us to prepare for.
No one ever told me 22 was going to be this confusing, depressing, and straight up messy. Maybe people did and I just didn't listen, but I feel like I missed the memo big time. I thought I would graduate college and move away (hopefully to New York) and start a dream job in fashion. Even if it was an entry level position and not the job I wanted to keep forever, it would be SOMETHING in the field I love and believe in, and I would slowly work my way up. I feel like I’ve watched my cousins and my older friends do this after they graduated, so what on earth would keep me from doing the same thing?!
Instead of the glamorous, making it in NYC life I’ve been planning on and working towards since I was a little girl, I still live at home and I work in my dad’s office. I work on my blog, I started my own Etsy shop to sell my designs, but I still feel like a gigantic failure. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t necessarily a bad place to be; but I certainly don’t feel like a successful 22 year old fashion designer whose “getting discovered” and “making it big” moments are right around the corner.
It’s a weird feeling to realize you’re 22 years old. To be honest, ever since getting back from Auburn in August I’ve been in a funk. I have realized I’m the only one in my inner circle of friends who doesn’t have at least a prospective job in their field, let alone a prospective boyfriend to close this era of singleness. While I went back to Auburn to move out of my apartment everyone asked what I was doing back home and the only response I could give was work — work as a young fashion designer with the responsibilities of a receptionist in an orthodontic office.
I slowly stated to realize part of my funk is not really having friends to hang out with back in Knoxville. I have one good friend left in Knoxville. We‘ve gotten to hang out some and it was great, but next week she’s moving 3 hours away for a new job in her field.
22 feels like a super weird age where, for the first time, everyone in life is either ahead or behind you —and no matter what you’re doing, you feel like it isn’t enough.
Today was supposed to be my makeup graduation in Auburn, and I still can’t feel anything but “stuck.”
I guess what I’m trying to tell you is: if you feel stuck, it’s okay. You’re not alone. Being 22 in today’s world is weird as heck. The people we went to school with and had similar lives to for the past four-plus years are now all in different stages of their lives. It isn’t perfect for any of us; even when other people’s lives look that way, the grass is always greener... I promise you, we WILL all figure out this crazy thing called life.
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