I've heard that in our lifetimes most people have three great loves; their first love, their love they never truly get over, and their last love. As the first two loves enter our lives we hope they are indeed the last love. Often they fade out of our lives the same way chalk is washed off the the pavement on a rainy summer day, we will always have the memory of what was there even if the marking are faint and eventually are washed away for good.
My first love was Steven Edgar Corum, the basketball player, with the best hair and the sweet dorky smile. I was just like every annoying middle school girl with a crush, baking cooking, making gifts and singing Taylor Swifts song "Hey Stephen". Here is my favorite little excerpt from that song, (because that is exactly how I felt):
"Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling So I've got some things to say to you I've seen it all, so I thought But I've never seen nobody shine the way you do The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change Hey Stephen, why are people always leaving I think you and I should stay the same
Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain, so Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you Can't help it if there's no one else Mmm I can't help myself"
I was in love with him from the time I started fifth grade until the day we graduated middle school, but when high school started everything changed. Steven died tragically the week before I started my Freshman year of college. Today Steven would have been 21 years old. What pained me the most that whole time was that he passed away and we hadn't spoken in four years. Sure, we broke up; but how was it possible that I hadn't spoken to someone who I had loved so much and devoted so much time to. If I could have a do-over here is what I would say.
Dear Steven,
I have never forgotten about you, every time I see a gray mustang pass by or hear the roar of a mustang I wish it was you...
I will never forget all the awkward sweet memories we shared and all the now cringe-worhty things I did.
I remember when we were in sixth grade we went to a convention together and you wrote me a note asking if I would be your girlfriend, I still have that note in a box of things never forgotten. When you asked me, I remember writing the date on a rubber band and I wore that rubber band every day well into the summer before freshman year of high school.
I remember when the Saints beat the Colts in the 2009 super bowl we made a deal that whoever's team lost we would have to buy the other a shirt or hat with the champion on it. That year the Saints killed the Colts and the next day I had a Saints shirt in hand waiting for you. I remember how excited I was the first time I ever saw you wearing it because I had bought it.
I always remember you on Valentines Day, as you are still the only Valentine's date I've ever had. How could I ever forget going to watch The Vow in theaters with your mom. I remember how nervous our 13 year old selves were about holding hands and I finally slammed my arm on the arm rest to give you a hint- in hindsight, not my best moment. In eighth grade we also had a Valentine's Day dance and I bought a bright red dress I was so proud of and I wanted us to match. I remember getting into, what seemed at the time, a huge argument because you wouldn't match. When I showed up at the dance that night, there you were standing in a matching red button down and tie.
When I turned 14, I decided I wanted you to be my first kiss, so we kissed at my 14h birthday party going down a water slide. That's all good and well except when we got to the bottom we decided that it had been a terrible kiss and we needed a do-over, so we walked back up the stairs to the slide and tried again.
When we were in the eighth grade I used to sing Hey Stephen all the time. You never knew but when we went to camp I used to sing it and hoped you heard it though the wall-granted looking back now I'm glad you didn't hear because that was strange. The whole song always reminded me of you, especially the first line of the chorus, "cause I can't help it if you look like an angel". To me you always were an angel, and now you truly are.
There were so many times over the years I wish I would have picked up the phone and said something, but I didn't, and here we are, nearly 7 years later.
Thank you for being my first love, my first kiss, and so much more; because of everything you have been my hardest goodbye.
Love Always,
Suzanna Rita
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