Yesterday was my last day in Auburn, and sadly, I’m not sure when I’ll get to come back. Auburn has been my second home for the past four years, and that is something no one can ever take away from me. Auburn and I have had our ups and downs, our breaks ups and our makeups. I’ve failed classes that were more challenging than I imagined university could be, and I’ve made precious memories working on capstone projects for fashion design. Reminiscing on all these memories and experiences assures me that I got everything out of my university experience that I was able to, but it doesn’t make leaving any easier. Coming to Auburn as a freshman was a hard adjustment. I got really lonely at times, and that’s how I end up in Knoxville all the time… but through everything, the Village of Auburn has always been a cozy place that I’ve been thankful to call home.
While at Auburn I found myself, in a world that I didn’t even realize I was lost in. I realized who I wanted to become as a woman, a true and good Auburn woman. I realized who I wanted to be as a designer: a children’s wear designer who will bring a little more joy and light into this world. I realized who I wanted to be as a friend, someone who stood by you through it all and prayed with and for you when the time came. Auburn has changed me and shaped me, and for that, I will be forever grateful.
I’ve had a few days to process the way my college career is coming to a forceful end, but it didn’t really sink in until I got my special graduation purse… and then turned around and drove it 5 hours back to Knoxville while it sat in the passenger seat. I realized I wouldn’t stand on Samford in a cap and gown and take pictures. I wouldn’t be able to post countdown pictures until graduation day came. I won’t see all my designs for this spring’s canceled fashion show walk the Auburn Runway; I won’t have the moment of accomplishment I was looking forward to, to see my designs premier at my university’s fashion show as a student for the last time. There would never be another sleepless night in the sewing lab where I watched the sunset and a new sunrise on my designs. I wouldn’t go to my first and only formal with the sisters I made in Kappa Alpha Theta. My family would never get to come down and see my home away from home. I would never get to walk across the stage at my college graduation.
A few weeks before I left for school in the fall of 2016, my dad told me my uncle had cancer. I was angry and confused, and I asked my dad, “How long?” My dad told me, “He’ll make it to your college graduation, and any day after that is a blessing.” In the back of my mind for the past four years, I’ve heard that, and while waiting for my graduation day to come, my priority has always been to make sure my Uncle Frank was there. This is what breaks my heart the most, my uncle won’t get to watch me walk across that stage.
I hate that there are friends from my college career that I’ll never get to hug one last time or get to say goodbye to. The harsh reality is that some of them I’ll likely never see again. I hate that this whole situation has added even more pressure to what my future will hold. When will I even be able to interview for jobs? If this keeps getting worse, when will I be able to start my career? Where will I go? Besides ‘where am I going to go,’ how am I going to get there with everything that’s going on? I thought I had more time, now everything has become more uncertain and hazy than ever.
With everything going on that is hurting my heart, a beautiful silver lining is that I’ve been given a chance to slow down and realize how deeply thankful I am for the past four years at Auburn. Even though I didn’t get to say bye to a lot of my friends, I am so fortunate to have found people who truly care about me. No, I won’t spend more time in the lab, but I still have all the skills I was able to really hone in on throughout my time in that wonderful room in Spidle Hall; and I will still take those skills out into the world and make a name for myself as a fashion designer from Auburn University. Just because I can’t be in the lab anymore doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t create outside of it. No, I won’t get to have that final fashion show I was so looking forward to, but I had a wonderful experience with the Auburn Fashion Show last year, and I still have my senior collection that I am so proud of.
No, things didn’t go how I planned, and yes, I am deeply heartbroken about it. Trust me. But being heartbroken and bitter about everything won’t do anyone any good. Instead, I’m choosing to refocus myself on all the things Auburn did bring me. I may not know why all this is happening, but I have faith that one day it’ll all make sense. Until then, please stay safe, stay thankful, and pray for everyone going through heartbreak and loss because of this virus and all it has brought. I love you all deeply and am thankful for each and every one of you!!
War Eagle, y’all.
Sincerely, a proud Auburn Woman
Comments