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Writer's picturesuzannarita

I Don’t Want the Drink



I’ve learned and heard more about dating in the past four months than I have in the past four years, which by the way is the last time I actually dated anyone (four years ago). It’s safe to say that dating isn’t the most fun thing in the world but the standards of dating have changed, and so has the game. Why has our perception of dating changed so much, especially about what is now acceptable? Why is it now acceptable to buy a girl a drink instead of buying a girl flowers, why is it now acceptable to not open the door, why is it acceptable for you make sexual comments about how I look over text but in person, you can’t even say I look cute? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a huge feminist, and I’m all about opening your own doors and buying your own flowers, but wouldn’t it be nice if for once instead of getting asked to get a drink to go for coffee and a bagel instead? Guess what? I promise my bagel and coffee will end up costing the same as that nasty fruity drink from the bar that I don’t even want. So what’s the real issue: have girls’ standards gotten worse, or have men just stopped making an effort?


I truly think it’s a mix of both. Both men's and women’s standards for each other and dating have dropped so low that dating really doesn’t feel special anymore. As I said, l really haven’t dated at all in the past four years. I’ve talked to a few guys and hoped they were prospective boyfriends but it never got far. What I can tell you is I was shocked by the lack of self-respect and respect shown.


The number one thing I hear when getting asked on a first date is “do you want to get a drink” and my answer is typically no because that’s just not fun to me and then the guy gets frazzled and doesn’t know what to do. Which is strange to me, how can you not come up with a better plan than a drink? Has no girl ever said no to a drink? I’d rather go to dinner and pay for my own half of the said dinner if the price is so concerning. I’d rather get to have an actual calm conversation than go get a drink that I don’t even want.


Technology has also had a huge impact on dating culture, it is so easy for people to slide into your DMs, send unsolicited snaps, and post unwanted commentary. The craziest thing is people can hide behind a screen and do all these things and they have started to become so bold that this has started to translate into real life. I’m so embarrassed to receive messages that are borderline sexual harassment, but to truly have it happen in person is an absolute shock. The most frustrating part is that a conversation or a post can start so innocently and can be taken to another level faster than you can blink. The other day all I said was that my major was fashion design and that I loved it...the response, “oh I bet you look better out of those designs rather than in them.” Blocked. Constant sexual comments and creepy DMs about my body when the most “racey” photo is a workout photo. Some of you I don’t even know...blocked. I’ve been harassed before because I didn’t want to go on another date after I was stood up. It’s my choice if I accept going on another date, respect my no as much as you do my yes. One of my “favorite” comments is when I stopped talking to a boy after maybe a month of knowing him and his reaction was to tell me I “had a dark black heart and he hoped someone came into my life and I fell in love with them and they broke my heart so that I would feel pain.” Absolutely blocked. Truly tell me if any of what happened is okay. Not a single soul should ever be treated like that. Male or female. We, as a society need to re-learn what on earth it is to respect ourselves and others.


I noticed my standards really dropped sophomore and junior year of college and it was because I was receiving such disrespect that I thought I deserved it. After a lot of reflection though let me tell you it’s absolutely not okay. For anyone. We all deserve to be respected and that starts with a certain level of self-respect.


I’m not condemning drinking, because trust me I love my wine as much as the next girl, and I’m also not condoning anyone’s own point of view on this. I just think there should be more respect. I expect a man to know that: you walk on the outside of the sidewalk to protect her; when a woman holds a door for you that you at the very least say thank you but you should grab the door and let her walk in front of you; you don’t make crass comments to someone you barely know and you certainly don’t send unsolicited pictures. Ladies I’m talking to you too. Have enough self-respect to not be with someone who doesn’t treat you with the love and respect you deserve, and you don’t need to be nasty to them either.


Heads up ladies and gents, having high expectations for your future spouse isn’t a bad thing!


If you watched the bachelor this season and learned anything, the lesson that you should take is don’t compromise your morals and your standards for someone else. Madi Prew didn’t compromise her beliefs and I absolutely respect her for that because so many men and women do, especially those that go on the bachelor or any reality tv show. It was refreshing to see someone who respected themselves so much that they stayed strong in their beliefs. War Eagle to you Madi.


Remember: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7


If you're ever unsure about love, relace love in this passage with your loves name and if the passage still rings true then you've got a good one.

So, here's to always remembering to keep one foot in front of the other, and your heels as high as your standards...xoxo Suzanna Rita

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