It’s been a while since writing…a year to be exact. I always heard time goes quicker as you get older, and I completely understand the reality of that now! I appreciate each and every one of you who have checked in and been with me during this past year of growth. This was one for the books. There have been so many questions and I hope to answer all of them!
Before I start answering some frequently asked questions, I just want to address that no school, parent, or mentor can properly prepare you for all that comes with post-grad. Then you throw in a pandemic that no one has ever experienced and it takes it to a whole new level. It certainly was not an exciting entrance into adulthood that I had such high expectations for. I left Auburn feeling independent, sure of myself, loving who I was becoming, and excited to be on my own out of college.
Me: New York - here I come!
Life: Just kidding!! You will actually be going back to square one and moving back home.
I lost my confidence and independence which led me to no motivation to design. Overall, I just wasn’t happy.
A lot happened in the past two and a half years but I finally feel like I am coming up for air. Since then, and especially this past year, I moved into my own apartment (finally!) learning to give myself grace, putting aside my pride (well life kind of humbles me where this is my only option), losing friends, putting myself out there to meet new friends, and going on dates. I think the Suzanna leaving Auburn would be proud of the Suzanna today even though it is nowhere I thought I would be.
Why haven’t you posted any blogs lately?
Honestly, I feel like I have been finding myself this past year. Who I really am and who I want to be. Not based on prior expectations from myself or others, but on what being the best version of myself looks like. Going through it this past year, I had nothing to say or at least felt nothing I wrote was really worth sharing. Even though I haven’t posted blogs, I still have been writing in my own time because it is how I like to process. I’ve recently found that I enjoy expressing myself through writing poetry.
Are you going to start posting blogs again?
I'm back to finally feeling like myself again; more so every day. I hope to post more often! I miss sharing and interacting with y’all updating you on my life thoughts. I can't promise I'll be consistent in posting my blogs, but I'll certainly do my best to not wait another year ;)
What is the latest?
As I said, I moved into my own apartment six months ago which was a long time coming. I think this was really the turn to make me feel like myself again and gain my independence back. I haven’t had a place to myself since before covid and I forgot how much I loved making a place feel like home in the only way I know how - make everything pink!! While decorating my apartment and being on my own again has been enjoyable, it definitely has had its challenges. I've had to put aside my pride and ask for help when I was drowning. Those days still come around but not as often as they used to. If there are some days when you feel like you’re just holding your head above water - you are not alone! Through this, I have learned to have grace for myself. This has been the best gift I have given myself this year, but I still need a lot of work. Naturally, I am really hard on myself, but that is where I learn to have grace for myself to not take steps back but use the challenge to change and grow from what could be a setback. Speaking of being hard on myself…. that can come up often after the top-asked question, “Are you dating anyone?!” I have been on several first dates which could be a blog in itself. Oh, the stories to tell! Let’s just say, not many second dates were needed. One day….😅
This may seem odd, but as much as I've been struggling, I think this is the happiest I've been since 2020. The hardships now are just as difficult as they were a year ago, but the difference is I have finally learned to fully accept myself for who I am and who I'm becoming. I've accepted and learned to love my quirkiness. I have to remind myself daily that I bring a lot more to the table than I give myself credit for. All that to say, I can't wait to keep growing in this next year, so bring on 25 - I'm ready!!
Remember I mentioned I have recently enjoyed writing poems? Here are a couple I’d like to leave you with :)
Jealousy
Jealous the little green demon
It writhes inside searching for freedom
Little green man Begging for daylight
Only to realize it’s already in sight
This thing inside me takes my joy
It steals like a child does a toy
It screams and cries
Just wanting to be outside
I can’t let anyone see
The ugly thing that’s inside me
What would my friends think?
Of this jealousy that swirls in me
It’s the travels, the love and carefree
It’s so many things that bother me
Why can’t I just be happy for them
Why can’t I be a true friend
Instead I sit in this nasty emotion
Because I am the one who lacks devotion
I want the attention, the love, the desire
Instead all I feel is an angry fire.
Him
I want him to excite me like the men in books
I want to know I love him with just one look
I want adventure like never before
I want to never be bored
His lips like velvet and touch so fine
I want to feel as if I’m lost in time
I wish his eyes shined like the sun
And into his arms I could always run
I hope he’s handsome but I hope he’s kind
I never want to be told not to speak my mind
His chest my own pillow
And his heart my favorite notes
I want to hear the symphony when we kiss
I hope I’m everything he ever wished
I feel my heart pounding with my every word
I’m just praying, praying bring him soon Lord
With that, I leave you with only one more thing ...
So, here's to always remembering to keep one foot in front of the other, and your heels as high as your standards...xoxo Suzanna Rita
Comments