...big enough so you can’t hit me

In 2011, a Knoxville girl felt lonely, misunderstood, and unloved. Then I heard "Mean" by Taylor Swift. Seems goofy don’t you think?

Last night, we jokingly went to karaoke and decided to sing Taylor Swift. Somehow, "Mean" was brought up as the song choice. I sang it, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of emotions as I did. I hadn’t sang it or even listened to it in so long. Yet somehow here I was singing it in New York City.

When the song came out in 2011 it was what I listened to day and night and the lyrics were always in my head. When I sang it I used to say to myself, " this is for my mom." The chorus always stood out to me because the words couldn’t have been more perfect if I wrote them myself.

“Someday I'll be living in a big old city And all you're ever gonna be is mean Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me And all you're ever gonna be is mean Why you gotta be so mean?”

When I was little I always told myself two things:

1. One day she won’t hit me anymore

2. I’m going to live in New York

Here I am, 21 years old...living in New York City

and all you're ever gonna be is mean

now I'm older, big enough so you can't hit me

and all you're ever gonna be is mean

why you gotta be so mean?

To the scared little 13-year-old, you will make it one day. You will make it despite her best efforts to tear you down and tell you you aren't worthy of anything. You are more than worthy, no one can dull the brightness that you have inside of you. You will go to New York and you will live your dreams, despite her. I won't tell you it will never hurt because she'll cause you more heartache than you know, but she will never lay a hand on you again.

I sang "Mean" in New York City and all I could think was after all of this I was able to get to this moment. All I could do was feel proud of the 13-year-old who made it to this moment. What makes it even better? My mom was here in New York the whole time. She wasn't here to see me and she couldn't tell you the slightest thing about me or my career path, but I don't care.

The joy I feel now is greater than the pain I felt then.. ~Romans 8:18

So, here's to always remembering to keep one foot in front of the other, and your heels as high as your standards...xoxo Suzanna Rita