First, let's take a moment to talk about what it means to be independent. The dictionary defines the word independent as "free from outside control; not depending on another's authority." There are a lot of forms of being independent and varying stages of independence. There is the independence you feel when you learn how to walk at 2 years old and you run away from your parents laughing, or when you get dropped off at the mall for your first date, or when you get your first car, or when you go to college. We all love to have freedoms in our lives, but most freedoms come at a cost. When you learn how to walk, you aren't carried as much anymore, and when you do, it's usually because you're in trouble for not coming when called. When you go on that first date, not only are you embarrassed that you had to get dropped off, half the time your parents park and "accidentally" bump into you in the mall. When you get your first car, you have to pay for gas, you have curfews, you have added responsibilities of being on the road.
College is the same; you have to make sacrifices for your freedoms. In college, you make decisions everyday whether to sacrifice friend time or nap time for homework, whether to spend the money on a cute jumpsuit or on groceries, to go to class or to sleep in, and whether to continue to go to church.
Going to college 5 hours from home, I gained all kinds of freedom I never knew I needed. In addition to the newfound distance, I discovered a new self-dependence - I tried to make myself as self-sufficient as possible. I learned how to take apart garbage disposals, put together all my furniture and my friends', and all kinds of other handy tasks. I also got a job, actually a few. After freshman year, I tended to 3 jobs at a time and still do. I am by no means financially independent; I am blessed enough that my dad pays my tuition and doesn't leave me high and dry if I truly have a need, but I work hard to be as financially independent as a full time student can.
The biggest thing I have struggled with throughout college is my faith. I think most students in college find it challenging to believe simply for ourselves, and not because someone else tells us to. In this time and place in our lives, we often find ourselves in hopeless situations, and we also see many situations that are not in accordance with the things we used to believe. When I first started feeling myself struggling and questioning, I talked to my dad because he's my sounding board. He gave me advice that I've not forgotten two years later. He said that when I feel myself struggling and questioning, at the very least go to mass every Sunday, even if it means I'm going through the motions; he said if you go for no one else, go for Gammaw, and say a little prayer for her. (Gammaw is my grandma, who means the absolute world to me).
College is about finding yourself with all your newfound independence, but attempting not to lose yourself in the process. I am not the same person I was when I started college and I am okay with that because I know there are parts of me that will never change, but have grown instead. A large part of who I was my whole life was simply Catholic, and while I'm still Catholic, it is by choice, and some days it's harder to have the faith I used to.
Sending lots of love, hope and {Suzey} Sunshine your way...xoxo
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